Couples Sex Therapy

Take a peek inside my office. These stories represent real people*.

Where did the intimacy go for Steve & Maggie?

Steve* and Maggie* have had a sexless marriage for about five years now. Maggie is a lawyer, and Steve is in a tech job working 65+ hour weeks. They have two school-aged children.

For the last number of years, Maggie was the one who initiated anything surrounding their intimacy. Still, she stopped initiating sex after countless times of Steve turning down her bids. Maggie also stopped during a few occasions because Steve couldn’t get an erection.

Maggie is silently angry and resentful, while Steve quietly buries his shame about not being able to perform. If they talked about their sex life, it usually ended in an eruptive fight or increased distance.

Both Steve and Maggie want to connect and talk, but they don’t even know how anymore!

Is there a relationship after an affair?

Mark* and Esther* have been together since high school. They were 20, which is not an unusual age in their faith circles. Mark finished college, but Esther paused in the middle of college to plan the wedding.

As progressive as they are, Mark and Esther function differently in their relationship, assuming particular gender roles. Mark is the “head of the house,” the leader, and Esther goes along with the plans and does all the household tasks.

They’ve been married for four years, and Esther recently disclosed that she had an affair. The affair devastated Mark and Esther, but she experienced more freedom than she has ever felt over the last few years.

Now, Mark and Esther have big questions about whether their relationship is salvageable after this!

Couples therapy helped Steve and Maggie gain understanding and connection.

Therapy provided a space to slow down and connect, allowing Steve and Maggie to talk about what was getting in the way of their intimacy.

Steve recognized his stress at work contributed to burnout. After seeing a urologist, he realized his testosterone levels were low, and he started taking his health seriously. He took a deep look at what was driving him to work at such a demanding pace, allowing him to see what the toxicity of shame was doing to him.

Maggie had space to explore her feelings of resentment and her reactions toward Steve. This exploration helped her move past those feelings and clarify what she needed.

Things are not perfect (which is never the goal), but Steve and Maggie have more time throughout the week to improve their overall connection. They also are on more firm and steady ground to talk about their sexual needs.

Therapy helped Esther and Mark find the proper connection.

Therapy helped Esther and Mark move through all the feelings of shame, anger, hurt, and betrayal caused by the affair, allowing them to explore the affair’s impact on each of them. At this point, they both decided they wanted to stay together.

They explored the gender roles their families and faith community modeled and talked openly about what worked and did not work for them.

Esther realized that the thrill of an affair was about her wanting and needing to explore her sexuality, which she never had the chance to do apart from Mark. Mark’s feelings of betrayal decreased when he could understand and see more of Esther’s genuine need.

Esther went back to college to finish her degree, and overall, they worked to make agreements about each other’s roles rather than assuming traditional gender roles. Mark and Esther are on a path to greater connection because they so bravely stepped into challenging places together!

Therapy looks different for each couple.

You may have a clear outcome that you hope for by coming to couples therapy, or maybe one or both of you know that you desire more connection or need to refresh your relationship. But the two of you are unsure about what you want and need.

Wherever you find yourselves, therapy provides a place to slow down, gain clarity, take inventory of your relationship, and have a space where you can learn to talk about sex and intimacy.

Sometimes couples come in with some challenging issues together. Some couples feel that their relationship is stable overall but want to keep the momentum going. Maybe one is in individual therapy and has identified some things that are shifting the landscape of their relationship!

You may come in like Esther and Mark, wondering if your relationship is salvageable. Alternatively, you may be like Steve and Maggie, trying to connect amidst an environment of stress or being on the hamster wheel of a job.

The specific reason doesn’t matter because the important thing is to take steps toward each other – and I am here to support you!

Couples sex therapy works – try it and see!

We can start the process by initiating a 20-minute telephone consultation. To begin this consultation, please get in touch with me at (414) 909-1558 or by emailing me at counseling@cheriekatt.com. This consultation allows us to make sure that we are a good fit. If we fit, we will establish a date and time for our first session, and before this session, I will send you an invitation with some necessary forms and payment information.

We will cover intake during this first session and discuss some of my policies related to cancellation, privacy, etc. Meeting weekly, especially initially, is the best way to gain a working foundation and identify the issues we want to discuss.

Take action to make your relationships flourish rather than flounder. After all, you deserve a vital relationship based on openness, understanding, respect, and love.

*Names and experiences have been scrambled.